I’m feeling really low this week. I know it’s only my third post, and I’ve barely even begun to tell my story, yet I’m already feeling disheartened. My earlier posts were full of bravado. A naivety that if I did “the right thing” in the face of my boss’s bullying, that somehow good would triumph. Just look at the title of this blog. I had dark fantasies about confronting her with the truth, the evidence, and her quietly accepting the truth and changing for the good of me and the team. Or another one involved me giving my evidence to HR or Workcover or one of her superiors who would go about punishing her and fixing our workplace up. My change of heart comes from facing a few bitter realities.
I recently revealed the problem to few close family members and friends. And their overwhelming advice is “whistle blowers are always scape-goated”, “she’ll be protected by people higher up”, “you can’t win against people like that”, and I should “walk away, get another job.” It’s a hopeless situation in everyone’s opinion and best thing I can do is get far away as quick as possible.
I also read a couple of self help books on the topic (I’ll give a book review of these later). One is called “Working with Mean Girls” and the other is “Snakes in Suits”. They give pretty much the same advice: that you can’t win against these people and you’re better off leaving before they totally destroy you.
So I feel really crappy, like nothing I do is going to make any difference.
And the thought of getting another job, rather than filling me with hope, scares the hell out of me because who’s to say there isn’t another crappy boss
there? Snakes in Suits is about psychopaths in the workplace, and apparently there’s 1 in 100 in the population – not to mention all the other people who aren’t so extreme but are still horrible to work with, like my current boss. I just don’t have the energy for it.
So I’m going through my days right now feeling tired, sad, hopeless. I just don’t know what to do. I wish there were some examples of people going through this stuff and coming out with a happy ending, rather than doom and gloom warnings of being destroyed and the need to run away. Anyone?